Credits: Article and images by Quentin Bufogle @ Quill & Pad. See the original article here - https://quillandpad.com/2024/03/08/visit-to-a-rolex-retailer-satire/
Sometime in the not-too-distant future.
“Good morning, sir. Welcome to Rolex! How may I assist you?”
“I’m interested in the new 41.5 mm Submariner.”
“Excellent. That’s quite a bump up in size, however. Are you certain you can adjust to the additional heft and wrist presence?”
“I already own a 41.25 mm, I think I can handle it.”
“Good. Some people are traumatized by the additional 1/4 millimeter. It is a bold step on the part of Rolex! If you should suddenly find yourself stricken with insomnia or a bout of bed-wetting, we do have a support group that meets here on Thursdays.”
“Thanks. I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
“Excellent! I’ll just need you to sign this double-indemnity life insurance policy & legal document bequeathing all your internal organs to Rolex in case of sudden death … and a payment of $40,000 – preferably cash.”
“Forty grand for a $10,000 watch!???”
“Oh, it’s not for the watch, sir. That’s just the application fee for our waiting list.”
“How long a wait?”
“Sir, need I remind you that Einstein has already proven that time is relative?”
[Customer looks skeptical]
“However, if time is a consideration, I’m pleased to announce the opening of our new Cryogenic Freezing Facility next door to our foundry. We can keep you on Ice until a new Sub becomes available.”
“Wow! And I thought making your own hairsprings was impressive.”
“It’s all part of our new service. We’ll thaw you out once every five years to update you on our progress — and berate you for not purchasing a Yacht-Master II instead.”
“I could offer you a rental of our special DeLorean for $200k/day and you could pick up your Sub immediately, or you might consider a Tudor Black Bay – the waiting list for those is only 45 years.”
“This is insane! The entire watch industry has gone friggin’ insane!!!”
Another patron who’s been waiting chimes in”You think this is insane? You should check out the F.P. Journe boutique! They’re accepting applications for the new Chronomètre Bleu Squid Game.” 🥸🤡
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So, You Want to Buy a Rolex? Well, Daddy-O, I’m here to Talk you Out of It!
No, Watches Are Not Jewelry: Cutting Through the Million-dollar Question, One Layer at a Time
Credits: Article and images by Quentin Bufogle @ Quill & Pad. See the original article here - https://quillandpad.com/2024/03/08/visit-to-a-rolex-retailer-satire/